No Instruction Manual

Over the last week Gracie (and I) had some real challenges placed in her way. I began working at Dancing Moose Montessori a few weeks ago. When I started working there Gracie also began to attend the 18 month old class for 2 hours a day.

Starting in May I began to introduce Gracie to her teacher Miss Sam and the environment. From day one Gracie has refused to make eye contact with Sam. The first week of school Gracie cried everyday. I considered this to be normal, she has only been left with family since the day she was born.

Week two I thought I would see a little bit happier behavior. Instead Gracie began to really protest any contact Sam would make with her. As the week went on Gracie decide that school was okay as long as Sam was not in the room.

In desperation Sam began to let Gracie attend the 2 yr old class. Which was great in Gracie's mind (and mine). She had adapted to school.

Week three, a behaviorist is now at the school. To Gracie's dismay Miss Sam asked Cheryl (the behaviorist) why Gracie hated her and what she could do to help the situation. The behaviorist decide it was worth it to see if they could find the "antecedent".

Sam went to get Gracie from the other class. When Gracie saw Sam she clung to the new teacher. Poor Sam had to pry Gracie way from the teacher and take her screaming to her room. For the next hour Gracie cried for me. (Which, by the way, I could hear from three rooms away.)
My motherly instinct kicked in and I went to find out what was going on. I was reassured that this was best for Gracie and it would help her adapt to the environment. Which in my mind she did fine in the environment. The behaviorist and the school director all asked me to give it a few days and to see if she could adapt.

I agreed thinking that it would be okay for Gracie to figure some things out without me to protect her and I could watch everything that happened on the monitor outside her room. The next day we went to school and my baby lost it. Which in turn caused me to lose it. The entire two hours Gracie cried, and screamed and sobbed. She would sit in a corner with her hands in her mouth just sobbing. When they went outside she would lay in the grass and just cry mommy between her whimpers. The entire time this the happened the only comfort she recieved was from the behaviorist. Who would walk over tell her "stop"...."No crying" and walk away making sure her back was to Gracie.

Now keep in mind my parenting style is very motivated by my child's emotions and the connection they have with me. Which from my prospective was being destroyed. Well the two hours ended, I got Gracie, and again was assured that this was the best thing for her and not to give up.

When I got home that night all I could think about the was trauma Gracie experience and how I did not protect her. After many discussions with Nate, and many hours of tears (on my behalf) I logged onto my favorite parenting sites and decided that if there was no change by day three, I was done. I would ask that they put Gracie back where she was comfortable.

So day three came and the same thing happened... but it ended after about 5 minutes. She stopped crying, she left the corner, and she began playing with Miss Sam. I was amazed. I had just learned something about myself, my Gracie and my parenting style.

I have spent a lot of time the last few days evaluating my parenting style and have talked a great deal with behaviorist and have decided that I definitely have some weak points in my parenting style that I need to fix in order for Gracie to reach her full potential.

She is very strong willed, and I am not constant with her because of that. I have also learned some really great strategy's to help me. I have learned how wonderful and bright Gracie is. She is such a joy to me. I love her clever personality, her love for learning and even her stubbornness. (Which I am sure did not come from me.)


Being a parent is such a wonderful opportunity to grow and change as we adapt to fit our children's needs. Now Gracie is still adjusting to Miss Sam and is still having a hard time telling me good bye, but is growing leaps and bound in her ability to problem solve and figure out the world without me by her side. I think Gracie is officially a toddler and no longer my baby.